https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-ggx52-1b63e94
Now lets get back on track here. I talk about how I am going to rebuild myself from the setback last week and move forward. I talk about the quest to find what worked for me before and getting back there, and making sure nothing or nobody stops me,
HIGHLIGHTS
Last week was a terrible episode, and I mean, some people are gonna say it was so vulnerable. You you were so vulnerable. No, it was fucking Disgusting. It was disgusting because I sat here and I wanted you all to feel sorry for me, because I was feeling sorry for myself, and I don’t know. Maybe I didn’t want you guys to feel sorry for me, but the truth of the matter is, I was like a, I, I don’t know why I’m gonna say this, but I’m just gonna say probably because I’m full of caffeine and piss and vinegar right now. I was like a little fucking whiny bitch last week. I was, no, no, no doubts, no questions, no nothing. I just was sitting there worrying about a bunch of shit that I put in my mind. I was worrying about a bunch of shit that just kind of, just kind of popped into my head, right? And I think, I think I’ve been carrying a lot of depression because I think I realized a few things about my life, and one of the things that I think I learned about my life is I have given up any kind of forward motion that I was in the process of doing. I think I lost myself. I think I lost a lot of what I was doing, and I think that I was feeling sorry, maybe some sorrow, because maybe a little part of me was dying. And I think the thing about mental health that we always forget is that it is a process.
Well, I felt, and I think that’s what I’ve been feeling like. Is I feel like I’ve been getting taken advantage of by quite a few people, and some of those people are people that are close to me. So that’s hard. That’s that’s a hard thing to deal with. No one wants to be played for by a fool. No one ever wants to do that, you know. No one ever wants to be in that spot where they feel like they’re a fool for someone’s loving. No one wants to ever feel stupid And I think, at the end of the day, we have to understand that everyone in life plays the fool, whether we like it or not, and we just have to understand that’s just the way it is. Sometimes you can choose not to, or you can play along, but it’s going to happen in your life, and you just have to deal with it.
I want people to see me because of who I am. I want them to feel me because of the energy I bring, and I want them to recognize me. I want them to recognize me because I want them to know that if they see me, they are getting someone who is for fucking real. That isn’t phony. That isn’t a fake. That isn’t here just to fucking do things for a reaction. Granted, that has been my mo for most of my life, but right now, I just, I just got shit to say, man, and I’ve got a story to tell, and I’ve got bad parts of that story where I did heinous, fucking unbelievable shit to people, and I have good parts of that story where I really pulled people out of the dark. I found ways to help people, and that’s the thing that’s beautiful, is your story always finds a chance to restart. But sometimes in life, when you know that people are just not who they are, and they’re not going to appreciate you, and there ain’t freaking jack shit you can do about it,
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