https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-ykiih-1b1e6ae
I get down and dirty about my depression lately which is dealing with consequences on how I have treated people and actually understanding the scope of damage that I have caused to people long term and short term. How do I feel better? How do I forgive myself? How do I find patience for people to forgive me? Lots of questions here, but will I find my own answers throughout the show.
HIGHLIGHTS
It hurts a lot. It hurts a lot because then you are in this private cell of your making because of the way you behaved in the past, and the truth of the matter is, you may not have been, you may not be that person anymore. You might have grown, you might have changed, you might have done all these things, but they still see you as that same person, and maybe it’s more comfortable for them to do that because they don’t want to like you because then they feel like they’re liking that bad part of you, and that’s a very, very difficult situation to get out of. Because you can do all the things you want, but they’re always still going to think that you’re this bad person, and you just feel like everything is wasted, and sometimes you build yourself up to a point where you might find new people in your life, and you might be trying to start a new chapter, but those old parts are still there, and they’re still floating around. And even every once in a while, one of those people might whisper in your ear and tell you you’re not good enough.
I feel like we all have to deal with our issues, and the further away we get from doing that, the worse off we are. And I, I’m scared. I’m scared for myself right now because I, I’m seeing the darker sides of people lately, and that is not a place I go to unless I’m not feeling right. So I need to figure out what am I going to do to fix this. What am I going to do to walk into the light and get out of the darkness. How am I not going to waste time? It’s a really hard place to be in life when you don’t know what you’re supposed to do because of all the pain and suffering you’ve brought to other people, and more importantly, you’ve brought all this pain and suffering to yourself. I have been very depressed lately, and a lot of it’s because I’ve been alone. I. I feel that people really don’t want to be around me. I feel that way about my family, and It’s my fault. I let my mental illness get the best of me. I didn’t really get the right kind of help I needed. I didn’t really seek out alternative resources. I threw myself in the fire instead of getting out, and I’ve done that so many times in my life where I haven’t had the power just to walk away, and it’s very sad because I really know these skills.
MICHAEL CASERNO 
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